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Surrounded with Pain

March 11, 2012

Last week there as been so much sadness surrounding me. My husband and I have been together for 9 years and married for 7. We have been trying to have a baby for a few years and nothing is happening. I use to think all a person have to do is open up their legs and eventually they will become pregnant. Yes, very ignorant to think I know but I never knew that there were so many women suffering from infertility. Or better yet, I did not knew infertility existed until I was affected from it.

Last week, I found out a young lady who I don’t care for is having her second baby. I silently cried last week when I found out that she was 5 weeks pregnant. I am typically happy for everyone who is pregnant but for this one person I couldn’t be happy for because I know what type of person she is and feel sad for what value she is going to teach the children. She and her hubby is like trailer trash. They see children as an income and a way to stay in Germany. Germany do not like to separate the parent from the child. The mother visa was running out that they planned to have their first child before her visa had expired, to make sure she had a guaranteed to stay inside Germany (this was not my conclusion, this is what she bragged about). When a person have a child in Germany they also receive money for them until they turn 18 years old. The minimum is 300€ whether if a person work or not. This is call “child money” (in English). Another additional payment the parents will receive is the “parents money” up to 14 months. It is dependent on income family allowance of up to 1800€ per month paid. There are lot more benefits when having a child in Germany.

Saturday we bumped into one of our neighbor who have cancer. I have two neighbors who have cancer and they are struggling with the demon of cancer. The neighbor we bumped into at the market is in the hospital almost every two weeks due to an infection. Last week she found out she have a blood clot in her artery located where are left shoulder is. This week she will be in the hospital being operated on. Since last year when she found out she had cancer she been operated on over 4 times already. As she said, “it is always something”. I pray that this will be the last operation and she get well.

Saturday afternoon as I was walking my husband to the car (he was on his way to go to Japan), I seen another neighbor who also have cancer. She bought tears to my eyes. She have lost so much weight, looked so pale, and was very weak. She was being escorted out the door by her son’s arm. When saying hello to her her voice was like a whisper.

I went to my flat and sat down to myself fill with thoughts. Thoughts on how so many people are suffering around me with their own problems. I sigh to myself and let the negative feelings I had about the chick I mention above leave my soul. Since yesterday afternoon I have found peace with myself and let things go. We, as people, can not change what life have giving us. However, we can work around some of the difficulty of life and “try” to make the best out of it.

Not Being Afraid to Eat

March 2, 2012

Today was truly a test for me. This morning I met up with a group of friends for breakfast. A typical German breakfast has lot of breads, meats, cheeses, a plate of vegetable and fruits. I mention to everyone that I am on a diet and has lost 29lbs so far since January. I can only eat certain amount of food and need to watch my intake since later hubby and I have plans to go out with friends to a Mexican restaurant.

I was amaze of how much I ate and felt so full and actually proud of myself. For breakfast I had Camille Tea just one cup without sugar, a boil egg minus the yolk, 3 strawberries, one pickle, 5 cherry tomatoes, half of a red bell pepper, a couple glass of water, and a long sesame seed roll. The bread is the down fall of the calorie intake and really was not needed but I surely did enjoy it. I cut the bread roll into thee sections going the long way. So as we eat and talk I can take my time slowly enjoying the bread. Normally at our breakfast meet up. I would eat a few rolls cover with meat, cheese, and jam and my favorite which is a pretzel. Today I had self control and told myself that I can only consume a set calories if I want to enjoy dinner later. I can forget about lunch because breakfast had rolled over to lunch.

So what I am stating is if you have a set calorie before going out and everyone around you knows. You will not fail on your diet or over eat. Your conscious should start kicking in as soon as you sit down.

Change of Plans

February 23, 2012

Yesterday I came back home from the hospital. It was truly a short stay since everything did not go to plan. I should of seen this coming since the first time we had an appointment the doctor in which I should of seen was not there. He took the day off and we waited four hours to talk to another doctor. Second visit was suppose to be the day they give me premedication for the surgery and tell me exactly what time to go to surgery which was suppose to be the next day. Instead they move my schedule one month further explaining to me that their policy is to take higher risk patient first. No problem I accepted that and email my boss to let him know I can not start giving date I should of.
Tuesday was the new date for the operation. On Monday night I pack my suitcase of books, blanket, towels, clothes, water, and fruits. Why bring a long a blanket, towels, and fruits. Well I am always cold and was not sure if they will only have a sheet or a blanket thick enough. Towels because in Germany hospital they do not have towels for you to use. You must bring your own. My neighbor told me about this and I thought it was a joke. I am glad I listened. The fruit is because my neighbor also told me it is not common for German hospitals to have fruits because it is expensive. It is best to take a long a bag of fruits with me, in which she was right again. The bottle of waters I took along is because I have a habit to drink water every few minutes. I just love drinking water and was not for sure it if they would have water in a jug like in the U.S.

A quick over view of what went wrong. We had an appointment to be at the hospital at 7am. We was running a few minutes late behind time that we end of having our photo taking from speeding. When we reach to the hospital and registered they told us what flour to go onto and gave me my chart with a food menu. We went onto the floor and took it right away to the nursing station. They took the chart and food menu away from me. I had to tell them I have not pick what I want. For them to tell me that the first day of operation they will pick my meal for me and the next day I can pick my own which is not true. They just give you what they want.
hospital room
We waited until they gave us a bed at 12 noon. We were both upset because we got up at 5am to get ready and the hospital is a hour drive from us. Once we finally have my room we asked when is my operation. They mentioned “perhaps in one more hour or two”. They will let us know. Before operation the doctors came in to talk to me and told me it is a change of plan in the operation procedure. They can not blow air into my stomach because it will collapse due to my weight. They have to go through the vagina instead of puncturing holes through the stomach. We said no problem as long as they do all they say they will do. After operation when they asked me how I felt I told them hungry. Can I please have something to eat. I have not eaten since 7pm the night before surgery and was very hungry and thirsty. They just laugh and said this is a good sign. Waited and slept on and off in the recovery room with saline running in my veins and oxygen pumping into my lungs. Finally they rolled me back to my room where my husband was still waiting on me. God do I love this man of mines. He is always there for me.

Later the doctor came to check on me and told us what had occurred during operation. They did not remove my tumor. They said it is in the muscle of my uterus and they do not see a reason to remove it after looking at it closer. I mentioned to them during ultrasound the photo showed that it was partially sitting in my uterus. They said looking closer at it via camera it is in my muscle so it will not make sense to remove it. Only if it was bigger and causing problem. I was so pissed. I have waited two months for this operation and changed my schedule in life just waiting. They said one thing than again say another. My husband, family, and friends was happy that my operation was not so serious that all they did was examine closer the area and flush my tubes to make sure they were not block, in which they was not. I am at home at the moment and is bleeding still but not much. Right now I just feel drain and tired.

I have took photos of the food they served me except the zwieback which is 7 child size toast of bread they gave me after the doctor talked to us. I gobble them down in an instant and was not thinking about photos….sorry.
hospital food
Dinner: 2 slices of cold wheat bread, three slices of cheese, one medium pickle, one leaf lettuce, and tea
Breakfast: 2 big rolls and one slice of cheese….I do not like eating so much bread especially in the morning that I ask for a bowl of muesli. They gave me a big bowl. I only ate 4 spoonful and was full with a pear I bought along with me.

Muesli Cereal

February 18, 2012

A couple of weeks ago I wrote  “Healthy Pancakes worth the Calories“. Which was about adding Muesli/Musli as an ingredients to make the pancake fibrous. It darn on to me after writing that post that some people might not know what musli was and that I should of wrote an introduction to it than the recipe post. Therefore I just would like to give you a quick run down of Musli. Sorry about this post being late. My router crash on me and finally had time to buy a new one today.


Photo Source:

Musli is a popular breakfast cereal based on uncooked rolled oats, fruit and nuts. It was developed around 1900 by Swiss physician Maximilian Bircher-Benner for patients in his hospital. It is available as a packaged dry form, or it can be made fresh also gluten free.

Muesli is a loose mixture of mainly rolled oats and/or cornflakes together with various pieces of dried fruit, nuts, and seeds. It commonly contains other rolled cereal grains such as wheat or rye flakes as well. There are many varieties, some of which may also contain honey, spices, or chocolate. This dry packaged muesli can be stored for many months. It can be served quickly after mixing it with milk, yogurt, coffee, hot chocolate, fruit juice, or even just plain water. If desired, pieces of fresh fruit may be added. Alternatively, the mix may be soaked overnight in milk and then served with fresh fruit or compote to taste.


Muesli is one of the healthiest breakfast cereal because it contains all the need of a good diet such as fruits, fiber, protein and calcium therefore it gives you the full benefit of a breakfast/snack or meal eating muesli equals in eating 2 fruits and all the needed protein and fiber for the rest of the day.

Where can you find it? In the cereal isle of your store. Some musli are higher in calorie depending on the content of what is in the bag. Please check the calorie content if your looking into loosing weight. I hope you all are having a great week! Looking forward to talk about food in two more weeks! Have a great one!

Smart, Thrifty, and being Green Conscious

February 15, 2012

Everyone love to save so that they can have enough to spend. We all save in one area to spend in another. It’s an on going cycle. I have never met a person that save just to save.  I have been doing a lot of reading and watching people day to day habits. I notice many people talk about saving money by using coupons. Nothing wrong with that even though that’s a lot of  newspapers being toss away and a lot of time searching on the internet to print out something that you will cut out in a small square and throw the rest of the paper away if you’re not recycling.

I have a few tips of being a little conscious of  what we do daily but at the same time save. A few of the tips I am sure that many of you do already. So let’s start with grocery shopping. Have you ever notice that higher things are post in eye sight and cheaper items are place all the way at the bottom shelves that no one really bend down to look at. When going shopping take a look at what is on the bottom shelves and compare prices. Also brand names. There are so many store name product and generic products that taste as good as the brand name products you like. Why not try at least one store name product or a knock off to see what you think about it. I bet you might like it and switch to the knock off and store name products. That will definitively save you a lot of money. Still on the topic of grocery shopping. Every week there is always deals like 5 for 5, 10 for 10, 1 one get the other 50% off and the specials go on. Yes, I was just griping about newspaper but now let me explain. I am not saying to buy the news paper. Sale papers come out in almost everyone mailbox or hang on their door if not laying on the porch. Look through each paper to see what are the sale for that week. Compare to see which one is more worthy of you burning gas. Last on the food topic is fresh fruits and veg…go to markets that sell only these. You be amaze how cheap they are there and how much you can save. Most of them have a section that the vegs or fruits look like they are about to go bad or spotting and place inside a box of what ever giving  fruit/vegs. They sometime have a box for $5. Keep an eye open for this area. You be amaze what you find in the box. Most of the fruits and vegs are in tact and only a small amount is going bad. My mom and I rack up on these boxes in the past making sauces, canning, and freezing stuff. People are always amaze on our find. Almost forgot to add some grocery store does this in their dairy department. Check the date to see if it worth buying and if so you just score big!

grocery shopping

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Clothes shopping I will always say is more fun for skinny people, no insult. Just that skinny people can find things always at good deals, the clothes when not brand name is already cheap, and there are numourus stores to pick and choose from unlike the big and lovely stores, lol. But in general I have tips for all sizes.  The first place I want to state is second hand stores. There are a lot of second hand store that sell nice clothes. You just have to look around in your area to see which one prices are better and have nicer clothing.  Also you need to ask what days do they have half off the sticker price. You be amaze you can get an outfit for $2.  on those days. I love it! Also great place for people who sew. You can alter many of these clothes into what you want. Now I am not saying to only shop at second hand store. Sometimes I am sure you would like to treat yourself  to something new. The best days to do those are on American national holidays such as 4th of July and etc. There are always mark down prices, you just have to start shopping early to get your size. Also never start shopping as soon as you enter the door, go straight to the clearance rack first. Now a tip to the big and lovelies. Many plus size stores has a night a few times out of the years that the stores have special promotion other than store promotions. It is called something like “Friends and Family”. When the store close to the public shoppers who know about “Friends and Family” or have an invite can shop and receive an additional 20-30% off on regular price and sale items. The cashier will normally mention this info and if you have your email register with the clothing company to send out email they will let you know too via email. This is the only time I see spam as a good thing, lol. Lastly on the top of clothing is a must with shoes. I use to love Payless Shoe Source but the shoes they are making these days are a bit uncomfortable but they look nice. I still think Payless a great place to buy children shoes since they grow out of them so quickly also second hand store…especially for coats (2nd hand stores). Okay back with shoes. Payless always have Bogo. Buy one and get the other half off. I would say this is the only time to save at Payless. Yes, the shoes is cheap already but why not have bangs for your bucks! Another favorite place is Famous Footwear. They always have the same deal and if your into name brands you will definitely score big there. First you need to sign up for their email. They will let you know when the sale is on plus they will give you a coupon for 20%. That is a 70% already on one shoes. I am sure you are saying ” but did she not say,  it did not make sense to waste  papers on coupon?” I surely did. But you know what if you have an envelope that you was going to throw away or your child drew all over a paper use that paper and print onto.  Almost forgot to mentioned if you shop online. Always look for a coupon code first. This will save you a nice percentage of your total and sometime can give you free shipping.


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Okay we just knock out grocery and clothes shopping. Now lets talk about keeping up our hair and nails if we don’t do that ourselves. I will always say the best place to get a hair cut and a nice mani with pedi is at a cosmetology school.  The instructors are typically walking around the room watching the students. Not only are you helping the students become confident…you’re also saving big. Okay you’re not into the school idea you want someone who is already license.  Than thank goodness for cheap places that does hair. Which is funny to me because most student who graduate end up working those places first so why not go to the hair school. But that is just my observation. Also females who get highlights I want to let you know if your stylist have not told you as yet many places like Regis Salon do 7 highlights for $14 or $20 the last time I was there like two years ago. Ofcourse it depend on your hair length. However, many places have 5-7 foil highlights specials. It comes out cheaper and still give the illusion that your whole head is highlighted. Save you tons of money instead of doing the whole head and during retouch. Another good time to go to regular salons is when they have back to school specials. Some salon have special around the holidays but back to school special is a winner. Also if your a student some salon give student discount. They won’t tell you…you will have to ask.


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Before I go I want to hit on a few other things. Save gas by planning ahead. IF your in a none moving traffic jam and it barely does not move shut off your engine. In the summer time do the same but shut off also your air condition unless if it is extremely hot. Never forget to carry water, blanket, and a few sandwiches when going on a trip, and a flash light. If you can buy a plug in cooler at Walmart for your car. It will save you a lot of money from stopping at fast food places and restaurants. These coolers can also be plug in inside your hotel room. All you have to worry about is dinner sometimes depending on how many people you are with.

Tupperware containers I hate with a passion. There are so many plastic containers we buy with food inside with good seal. Why not use those for your container instead of throwing them away. They are great storage devices and you know what you paid for it already. Same with jars and bottles. IF you make your own jams or canning you can use some of the jars you have already. Just sterilize them and make sure the seal has not broken and no chips are in the glass. Same for seasoning bottles. Once the seasons are finish replenish them by not throwing away the bottle but buy adding in more salt, pepper, and etc. Cut down on your electric bill by plugging out items you rarely use. They might be off but when plug in they are still taking current and raising up your bill. Also do the same when you go out of town. Plug out every single items.

Okay I been too long winded but I hope some of these tips has help you. If you have any other tips not listed please share. I love to learn how to save; therefore, I will have enough to spend:)

I Feel Awful

February 10, 2012

I need to talk about how I feel and when I don’t feel and just need an open ear, plus writing is therapeutic for me. Therefore, please excuse future postings without a comment button. Oh no, I think WP took off the no comment button option.

This week I am doing awful. It started by losing 20lbs so far. Hubby and I agree once a month we should go out and just order what we want without over thinking our meals. Just for one day. Last week Saturday we found a cafe in another city called “New York Cafe” and next to it is a place called “Motor City”. We were so excited to find something here close to America style that we tried the cafe and it was okay.

Sunday I checked the scaled and saw that I had lost more weight. I got so happy that Monday I walked to the store and bought me two bag of chips and a pack of Twix like candy bars. Ate them on Monday and Tuesday. Thursday I cleaned up my sewing room and found a bag of Rum Raisin candy bars mini. Why did I not ship them out with the other bags to my mom. Today was the pits of all days. I ate three potatoes like hashbrown thingy that are not too bad for a person calories wise. What was wrong is that I eaten 350g of bacon with it because it will expire tomorrow. Did not wanted to throw away a nice cut of bacon.

I wish I could just throw up everything I have eaten. My stomach feel so sick and look puffy. I feel so constipated. I have not work out since Friday, well not true. I have done 1 hour of Zumba  this morning.

I think off day from dieting is not helpful it just lead to bad result and feelings. Tomorrow morning I am going back on my cross trainer. I hate to see what I have done to myself  weight wise on Sunday.

Healthy Pancakes worth the Calories

February 3, 2012

Today will be my first Friday posting pictures with cooking directions on what I am eating on my food journey. Many of my meals repeat itself so I will be writing every two weeks a food/cooking post. I will also introduce to you food items I am eating to guide me with my weight, which has nothing to do with cooking…not all food items need to be cook or incorporate into a meal. If interested in following along in my food journey just subscribe to easily follow me along or visit me here every two weeks on Friday. Almost everyone love a nice fluffy pancake. At times we end up eating too much or drown it in syrup. I know I use to love to go to Denny’s and the Pancake House. I use to eat tons of pancakes and drown it in syrup so that it would not be dry and top it off with bananas on top and between each sections. Not knowing then only half a banana was good enough and that banana for fruit intake is a bit high in calories. Now I understand when my mom use to say I am eating too much bananas slow it down. She is a health nut. I wish I was more like her sometimes. Since I been on my “cutting down” journey I change around my approach to food. Let me warn you now that I eat regular meals I just cut down the portion greatly compare to what I ate in the past. I now take an account for everything I place inside my mouth. One day I was in the kitchen and my hubby request for Pancakes. When I was getting the mixture together I said to myself why not make it a fibrous pancake. Fibrous to me is food that help assist the bowel to flow easily. So I made Musli Pancakes for both him and I.

Musli Pancake w/Apple
1/4 Musli
1/4 Pancake Mix (or you can use 1/4 Wheat/White Flour with 1tsp Baking Soda)
1/3 Water
1 Apple
1 TBS Syrup
*Optional = Cinnamon sprinkle on top of of Apple slices (just a little)

I am sure you’re looking at the syrup amount and thinking I must be nuts. That won’t do it. Funny thing it does. The moisture/juice in the apple help give you that moisture you are craving to go with your pancakes. The syrup is just a nice little sugar burst most of us grave for. I did not use eggs, sugar, salt, or milk in my ingredients. I like to keep things simple, have a meal I can enjoy without feeling guilty later about the calories or working out like a mad women to burn what I ate. Plus you would not even notice by the taste egg, milk, salt, and sugar are not use. There are so many variation of Musli Pancake on the net. At first I thought I was a mad genius in the kitchen until I looked around and found out other people was on the same track as I, but they used milk, sugar, eggs,  and salt.  My recipe above can only make two nice size pancake. This plate with a nice cup of tea, glass of water, or small cup of coffee will get you full. If you do try this recipe please come back and let me know what you think. Guten Appetit!

Self Challenge

January 31, 2012

I am a maniac and also lazy. Got to keep it real. Every year people make New Year resolution. Every year I come up with at least one thing to focus on the whole year. Which is perfect for me because my brain is always scatter everywhere. Last year my goal was to stop biting my nails. I am in my 30’s and too old to continue with that filthy habit. I never bite my nails out of boredom just because it was just there on my hand holding up my face and too close to my mouth. The temptation was too easy. To stop biting my nails I went to the nail shop once a month to get acrylic on my nails for a whole year. You know that hard stuff that women have on their nail when it is not theirs. Well I learned my nails grow quick and after one month it was my own nails getting acrylic applied too. That experiment costed me 480 Euros. You know what I could of did with that money?!?! Never the less I stop my filthy habit of biting my nails. I don’t even have urge to put my fingers in my mouth and when they are on my face I don’t recognize them any more. I guess that was money well spent.

This year I have two challenges. One is from last year which will roll on over to this year and probably next. Which is stop cutting my hair short every summer. So far the length is sitting on my shoulder. My aim is to have it sitting completely or at least half way on my chest. The new challenge this year is cutting down my portion and getting in exercise atleast 3 days a week. If more is done great if not, no sweat, get it no sweat. Okay I should of mention I am very corny too:) Another part of the challenge is to see how much weight can a person really lose in a year. Yes I know obstacle will hinder a person performance and goal, but that is life…right?

I will not state what I weighed at the end of December 2011, but I will tell you I have lost 17lbs since 31 of December. By minimal exercise of 5 to 20 minutes a day. I will not say I work out every day, because that would be a lie to you and myself. One week I broke my challenge rule and did not exercise, the first week I exercise every day, and the other weeks I did my minimal three days. I eat a sensible small breakfast just to jump start my metabolism so that it won’t get wacky. Lunch, I eat once again a sensible meal. When I have appointments to go to I carry fruits with me in my pockets so I won’t get tempted to buy junk or stop in at the bakery as I done many time last year. For dinner I eat the typical normal dinner. I only cut my portion in half and measure things more. I was amaze how tricky the brain is. I was full from dinner and last year I was eating double portion but never knew…I always fill up the plate and to my eyes it look like it was not too much.

I know it is possible for me to lose 20lbs a month if I exercise everyday and continue eating as I am. I done it many times. My problem is that once I get to my goal I get to cocky and blow back up but double from what I was because I stop caring. Saying that my challenge to myself once the year is over I will start the maintenance process and try not to get relax or cocky. The older we get it takes time to heal and to lose weight. On Fridays or every other Friday I plan to share with you some of my meals and food I eat to lose weight. At the end of the year I will give you the result of how much weight I have loss.

Do you have a challenge for yourself if so may I ask what it is?

Are the Elderly more Active in Europe than America

January 27, 2012

Since I been living in Germany I have took in many comparison of America and Europe. One comparison is that the elderly people here are very active and mobile. Whether on crutches, in wheel chair, or rolling crutches with a basket attach. Great to use for shopping bags and to carry big purses. I have been living here for a couple of years now and visited many part of Europe. I am hoping to see all that is on my traveling list of Europe before I turn 50 than venture out to Australia and Africa. We are travelers but since there is only one income we have slow down a great deal from the 10 years we been together.

Everyday I try to go for a walk even if it is just to the park 30 minutes away to sit down, relax, and enjoy the simplicity of life. During my walk and relaxation I sit and think to myself of how many active older people are in Europe. There are many bicyclers. Some walk with not so much energy and others walk quicker and stronger than me. I have to smile when they past me by. I talked to a couple of my neighbors always about my insight to hear their view on the topic. There are not many nursing home here and I totally understand why. In America from all the places I have live and visited I barely seen the elderly walking or outside, other than to take care of their property. I seen many in nursing home and assistant living. It is just weird really.

What are these elderly people in Europe doing to stay active and strong. I honestly can’t tell you. All I know in Germany they eat a lot of fibrous bread. There are so many variation of bread it is crazy and bakery at almost every corners with tasty goodies. You would think there would be a lot of fat people in Europe with all the bakeries and easy to reach pastries, that they actually consume! But there are not a lot of fat people here as myself (I have nothing against the fat and lovelies). They walk and bicycle a lot if they do not have to use their cars to drive far distance. Some even take public transportation such as buses and trains because sometime it is cheaper than gas and walk the remaining way to their destination. The people here are very active. Breakfast is typically but not always bread, lunch meat/sausage or jam with butter/Nutella with a cup of tea and coffee “almost every morning”. My sister in law think American breakfast is too much food to consume in the morning. Lunch is pretty simple when at home which is almost like breakfast. Dinner is normal food such as potato with salad and meat or soup with bread. Before dinner is “Tea Time”. Tea time is consist of a slice of cake and tea/coffee. I hate tea time, lol. I am not a cake person.

The next time you go shopping or for a walk take a look to see if you see many elderly people walking or bicycling. I be interested to hear your observation and your thought.

I Got the Job

January 17, 2012

I got it! I got it! I got the job and it starts end of Feb. I explained that I have an operation coming up and I will need a few weeks to heal up. He said no problem I can start Feb 24. I have to work 3 days for free almost like a probation period. I told him no problem. I am so sike this was my first interview and will be my first job in Germany. My pay is only 400E a month but I am happy with it. It is not in my field of expertise but it will help me learn the language quicker since I will have more people to talk with and help out with some of the bills around the house. I almost feel like my whole self again. I am going to help contributing instead of minusing. Happy dance happy dance!