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I Hate Love

June 9, 2011

The wonderful joy of 5 senses (sight, hearing, taste, touch, and smell). Each one by itself or component with others trigger memories. I am an old woman to some and young to others; therefore, I believe I have accumulated enough memories to write a bit. Some is nice others soso. But those soso I am grateful of. It help form me into the person I am. Either though at the very moment I did not appreciate it or welcome it.

I am a Youtuber and a cheapskate. I rather listen to youtube over again than buying an album. Yes I know it is like stealing from the starving artist. Well sorry those artist the last time I look at them was not starving. Plus I am not downloading just listening from a public site that has the right, I do believe, to have many artist songs and videos for internet users to watch and entertain themselves.

Today I ran across Toni Braxon “I Hate Love”. The user uploaded the song and lyrics Nov 2009 so I know I am late and don’t even have to wonder if this is one of her new song. I have been listening to this song on and off and each time tears come out of my eyes.

This song trigger the first time I was engage. I was engage to a person who I was with for 5 years. He move to Atlanta as I live in another city waiting for him to get himself together. When time came he said that he was ready for me to come. He picked me up and drove me to his parent house. I was so shock when I walk into the house. His stepfather was there and right away he told me I know I can’t stay. In the morning I must leave. My fiance at that time told me it is okay. I can stay in a shelter until he got himself together. We talked all night. I was so angry with him. How can he tell me I can come when he has not got himself together. What was all the pictures and places we picked together about? Why was he not there? Why should I stay in a shelter? The morning I pack up my bags and asked him to take me to the Greyhound bus station. I cried silently on the way back to my mother home. Explain to her what happened. She gave me a welcome home hug and reassure me that all will be okay. It took me a few months to forgive my fiance at that time. After that I found out listening to his cell phone message he was cheating on me. I was at home being faithful to him and he was enjoying himself. He never confess and lied about what he did. Until a year ago when we spoke via FB. Funny small world with the internet. All is forgiving and I moved on. I actually thank him for being a pig. It took years for my heart to heal … to actually let a person in to love me again. My walls was always up and I did not trust anyone or compared them to him. One day my husband who is the love of my life since 2002 came into my scarred heart and slowly won me over. Now I have a wonderful guy who have so far have been very faithful, he care about me strongly, and love me to death. So to my ex fiance I thank you because at one time “I Hate Love”.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. June 10, 2011 9:42 am

    Welcome to the blog world. Be yourself and let it out. I hope you find many friends through readers of your blog. Best wishes!

    • June 10, 2011 10:05 am

      Hi Harold thank you so much. Don’t worry I am going to be myself alright, lol. I am going to yell, scream, and kick. And when all my emotional is written upon this blog canvas. I am going to reread it and take a sighing breath, and let go of all my anxiety, anger, sadness, or pain and just move on knowing I have learn from my trials and errors. But I plan not to only talk about me but my surrounding. Wait and see. Tons to write about, tons to talk about, and yes I hope also in the progress I meet a few nice bloggers/friends:)

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