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Surrounded with Pain

March 11, 2012

Last week there as been so much sadness surrounding me. My husband and I have been together for 9 years and married for 7. We have been trying to have a baby for a few years and nothing is happening. I use to think all a person have to do is open up their legs and eventually they will become pregnant. Yes, very ignorant to think I know but I never knew that there were so many women suffering from infertility. Or better yet, I did not knew infertility existed until I was affected from it.

Last week, I found out a young lady who I don’t care for is having her second baby. I silently cried last week when I found out that she was 5 weeks pregnant. I am typically happy for everyone who is pregnant but for this one person I couldn’t be happy for because I know what type of person she is and feel sad for what value she is going to teach the children. She and her hubby is like trailer trash. They see children as an income and a way to stay in Germany. Germany do not like to separate the parent from the child. The mother visa was running out that they planned to have their first child before her visa had expired, to make sure she had a guaranteed to stay inside Germany (this was not my conclusion, this is what she bragged about). When a person have a child in Germany they also receive money for them until they turn 18 years old. The minimum is 300€ whether if a person work or not. This is call “child money” (in English). Another additional payment the parents will receive is the “parents money” up to 14 months. It is dependent on income family allowance of up to 1800€ per month paid. There are lot more benefits when having a child in Germany.

Saturday we bumped into one of our neighbor who have cancer. I have two neighbors who have cancer and they are struggling with the demon of cancer. The neighbor we bumped into at the market is in the hospital almost every two weeks due to an infection. Last week she found out she have a blood clot in her artery located where are left shoulder is. This week she will be in the hospital being operated on. Since last year when she found out she had cancer she been operated on over 4 times already. As she said, “it is always something”. I pray that this will be the last operation and she get well.

Saturday afternoon as I was walking my husband to the car (he was on his way to go to Japan), I seen another neighbor who also have cancer. She bought tears to my eyes. She have lost so much weight, looked so pale, and was very weak. She was being escorted out the door by her son’s arm. When saying hello to her her voice was like a whisper.

I went to my flat and sat down to myself fill with thoughts. Thoughts on how so many people are suffering around me with their own problems. I sigh to myself and let the negative feelings I had about the chick I mention above leave my soul. Since yesterday afternoon I have found peace with myself and let things go. We, as people, can not change what life have giving us. However, we can work around some of the difficulty of life and “try” to make the best out of it.


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